One of my best friends Isaac has known me since Freshman year. We both lived in Queen Creek, we both had transitioning parental figures because of our moms, and we both had siblings and were the eldest. We look alike, we have the same interests for the most part, and I treat him like a brother. He moved in with me his senior year and my junior year. We had to share a room, so it was cramped, but we really knew each other and could understand what was going on in each other’s life.
He is loud, one of those people that likes to raise the level of his voice when he gets excited, and it doesn’t ever lower until you get fed up with it and say, “dude, SHHHHHHHHH!!!” His character is really friendly, making himself at home anywhere; polite enough to not be rude, but eccentric enough that his personality usually gets the better of you and you just end up accepting him.
His personality was the polar opposite of mine. I was quite reserved, and full-heartily okay with that. I didn’t like contact with others and I don’t like letting people in to know me. Isaac describes me to people, especially when I had one of my first serious long-term girlfriends, that it was like I had a impenetrable wall surrounding my heart and soul. I didn’t let people in. You could pry and pry, but even if you managed to force an entrance, you just realized that there was another wall.
This always bugged me, not because it seemed sort of harsh, but because it was true. I have always been like that. Maybe its from life experiences that forced that, or maybe it’s the way I chose to adapt, I don’t know. What I do know, is that this was a large part of my character that made me unable to associate with others. I didn’t want to, and I wouldn’t let them in.
When Loeb writes that “when we shrink from the world, our souls shrink too,” I think that isn’t necessarily right in context. My soul didn’t shrink, I just put of these barriers like Isaac described. People do this all the time. Its like having blinders on your eyes to where you can only see a pinpoint of light. If that light is there, and nothing else, that’s all you can see, not all that is there. I think the biggest eye-opening experiences tied to this for me was the fact I was forced to change and to alter my perceptions. One of the best things that helped me do this was becoming involved, not because I had too, but because I realized if I ever wanted my walls to become a bit more flexible, I needed to see what I could do to be out there helping others.
I try to live each day finding a new route in what I wish to see in myself. I know that I still have a steel trap of a heart, but that doesn’t mean I don’t see what is going on around me. Isaac has visited me recently and we have had discussions about my walls. He is so surprised about my changes these past two years that I seem to be a completely different person, for the better. He likes that I can talk to him about my feelings, even if they are sparse, because that was something I would never have done before. I find each day a challenge, but something I need to accept and adapt with, not remain shelled away and reluctant to explore.

I think that this ties directly with how Loeb mentions MLK getting a “C” in philosophy. In fact, I think its sort of a joke that it is mentioned at all. Who is to say that you have to be perfect to be a leader? Who says you need straight “A’s” to change the world? If grading were important in life, we would all be under a monarchy. Remember that your grades only count in the educational environment and that no one can know everything at all times, hell Einstein didn’t even graduate. We dwell too much on these little things that supposedly make up a leader, when it takes the courage to let down your walls and just accept that you need to do what is right for you, before you try to help others. Self-respect is more important that trying to respect others. Do you think MLK thought he was a puny man as he spoke to crowds of onlookers? Confidence can go a long way in just assuring that you follow through with your beliefs. In the end, it doesn’t matter how much you tried to impress others, but that you are surprised about what you have found about yourself.

-Jeremy