Teaching by examples

I found the experiment of asking people close to me about their opinion of focusing beyond our families as a fundamental to our public lives and commitments quite interesting.

I asked this question to two different types of friends. The first group enjoys a relatively good financial situation. They agreed on the importance of helping other kids, but when I asked them what kind of actions they had taken in the issue, they smirked and said "I barely have time to take care of my own children... maybe later". People were more prone to talk to their children about community involvement rather than actually teaching them by example. These people told me that lack of time is the first problem that they face. I wonder if this time shortage is due to the "treadmill effect" in which many try to keep up with social standards taught by a society of consumers. A society with values in which we should look successful based on maxim out credit cards.

The second group of friends consisted of people, who at some point in life have struggled and suffered, often without help. I found that more of these people have helped needy children, especially in connection with a church activity. In this case, they told me that they will continue helping as much as they can, as long as it doesn't affect the quality of their family time. I found this group more sincere than the group asked before, but still with a tone of "giving only of their spare time".

As parents, it is important to try and give our kids the best education as well as a better life than what we had. However, we don't understand that our actions are sending a totally different message than our words. As Loeb said, children that were raised in a family with no sense of community involvement are more likely to see "personal survival as paramount, while social involvement as a luxury". Loeb continues, saying that this kind of action will feed cynicism. Moreover, Loeb mentioned the psychologist Mary Pipher and her book The Shelter of Each Other, in which she states that junk values are taught by media and creating a self centered worldview of "ritual of consumption".

It will take time to teach people the benefit of teaching by example. I think that both groups are missing out on a fantastic way to share time with their own children. Community service could bring families together, sharing the enjoyment of helping others. In this process, our children would learn to share and not take everything they enjoy right now for granted. These children would have the opportunity to see less fortunate children and stimulate creativity finding more productive ways to solve social problems. It would also help them to become more sensitive future leaders.

Finally, the most important part is that the children can spend time with Mom and Dad, working for valuable causes. As Loeb quotes James Baldwin, "Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them".